when we are most human

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A wise friend of mine once said to me that we are most human when we are naked, working, fucking and in touch with God.

Last week, I started a new job. For the past month I have been unemployed, looking for work, wondering at false leads and lack of direction. Then, as though the stars aligned, I turned down an offer of convenience for this opportunity.

It turns out that this job clicks with me. Though I have been having problems with management, and some things have really grated on me, the glove fits and I have enjoyed being back in the working world.

It was a long week. I struggle for energy at the best of times, and every night I can feel the exhaustion in my back and in my legs, the tiredness behind my eyes. But I am glad to be back at work.

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I feel alive when I am working. I believe that I was made to work, and when I work I feel, deep in my being, that I am myself. I was not made for a life of leisure and luxury.

When I am working, I feel like I am holding my life and my destiny in my hands.

So I am grateful to be employed again, even though I know I will not be in this line of work forever. Even though, like any other workplace, there are strained relationships and people that get on my nerves. For me, work means purpose. It means an awareness that I contribute, that I am useful, that I have value.

It is my hope that one day my work means that I am living my dream, too.